djmorton - SLA Industries

Chapter six o' Th' Kurgen's journal

Weel a'm back again wi' mair tales tae astonish.

Well I am back again with my tales to astonish.

We hud tae git an annoying wifie oot o' her affice 'n' thro' th' sewers tae a warehouse in th' middle o' nowhere, Christ alone kens how come. Felicity gaed tae scout oot th' area while th' rest o' Dzone chatted aboot whit tae dae fur hours 'n' hours, while whilk ah wis stoogied tae tears. Thay finally decided oan twa teams fur th' mission: Duke 'n' Gregory wid pose as repair technicians 'n' attempt tae gain access tae Tara's affice 'n' masell, Maggot 'n' Felicty wid pretend tae be hurl lift technicians 'n' git in th' building that wey, whit oan earth cuid gang wrong?

We had to get the woman out of her office and through the sewers to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Felicity went to scout the area while the rest of Dead Zone discussed plans and bored me to tears. They finally decided that Duke and Gregory would pose as repair technicians and attelpt to gain access to Tara's office while myself,Maggot and Felicity would pretend to be lift technicians and gain access to the building that way. What could possibly go wrong?

Duke 'n' Gregory git in easy enough bit wur stopped by security, Duke handed him some bullshit aboot th' lifts bein' linked tae Tara's affice 'n' fun oot she wis oan th' 6th flair room 37. Th' secuirty guard searched Gregory's toolbox 'n' fun his guns bit let him thro' anyway, whit a dickhead!

Duke and Gregory got in easy enough but were stopped by security. Duke told him the lifts were linked to Tara's office and found out it was on the 6th floor, room 37. The security guard searched Gregorys toolbox and found his guns, but let him through anyway.

Meanwhile th' real professionsals arrived 'n' wi' that ah mean masell, unfortunately Maggot 'n' Felicty tagged alang tae bugger hings up efter. Ah shot th' breeze wi' th' guard wha seemed tae catch th' wrong end o' th' peely-wally 'n' thought ah wis an eejit 'n' bufty sae ah made a in yer heid note tae beat th' jobby oot o' him efter.

Meanwhile the real professionals arrived, and by that I mean myself. Unfortunalely Maggot and Felicity tagged along and hindered me. I talked to the guard but he soomed to get the wrong end of the stick and treated me like an idiot. I made a mental note to assault him afterwards.

Gang yin fun Tara's affice 'n' bullshitted her aboot th' power tae th' lifts gaun thro' thare or some ither tekky nonsense 'n' she wasnt persuaded at foremaist, bit Duke talked 'n' talked 'til she eventually let then in 'n' thats whin Gregory tried tae drug her, she proved tae be a pure tough wifie 'n' it teuk th' twa o' thaim tae finally bring her doon, amateurs!

Group one (Duke and Gregory) went to Tara's office and told her the power to the lifts ran through her office. She was unconvinced at first but Duke talked and finally persuaded her to let them in. That is when Gregory tried to drug her. She proved to be very tough though and it took both of them to subdue her.

Back wi' gang twa 'n' ah wis grawin stoogied waiting fur something tae happen sae ah decided tae fin' some fags. Ah remembered spotting a guard patrol oan th' wey up tae th' lifts sae ah gaed aff tae see if ah cuid blag some. Traivelin doon th' stairs ah bumped intae Gregory wha said thay hud th' wifie 'n' said tae follow him upby, upby, doonby - mak' up yer pumpin' mynd! We ariived at th' womans affice 'n' thare wis anither mind-numbing discussion aboot whit tae dae 'til Felicity surprised us a' by usin` her brain fur wance 'n' saying we cuid haul her oot oan th` windae cleaning cradle, smart!

Back with group two (myself, Felicity and Maggot), I was growing bored waiting for something to happen and decided to find some cigarettes. I remembered spotting a guard patrol on the way up to the lifts so I went to see if I could blag some. On the way down the stairs I met Gregory who said they had Tara and that I should follow him. We arrived at her office where there was a discussion about what to do. Felicity had the smart idea of taking her through a window and lowering her down on a window cleaners cradle.

Ah picked up th' wifie 'n' carried her towards th' roof, oor usual ill luck caused a jimmy tae emerge fae his affice as ah wis traivelin bygane sae ah threw her at him 'n' doon he gaed lik' a sack o' neeps. Ah thought it best tae mak' sure he wis oot fur th' count 'n' gaed tae batter him whin ah slipped oan th' flair, skelp th' fire alarm instead 'n' set if aff, pumpin' hell!

I carried Tara towards the roof, but our usual bad luck occured and a man emerged from his office as I was passing, so Io threw her at him and he went down like a sack of potatoes. I thought it best to make sure he was down for the count. I went to hit him but slipped, striking the fire alarm instead and setting it off.

Th' jobby hud skelp th' fan sae Duke 'n' Gregory legged in oot tae lea me tae carry th' kin. Felicity picked up th' wifie 'n' ah follaed her doonby, ah didnae gie a bugger as tae whit Maggot micht be daein' though he did say something tae me whilk ah dingyed. In th' lobby a' body wis running aboot 'n' screaming thinking th' building wis oan fire, ah pretended tae be doolally wi' fear 'n' made it ootdoors onto th' wynd.

The proverbial excrement had hit the fan so Duke and Gregory ran away leaving me to get the blame. Felicity picked up Tara and I followed her down. I did not care that Maggot might be dieing. He said something but I ignored him. In the lobby someone was runnong about and screaming thinking the building was on fire. I pretended to be terrified and made it outside into the street.

As oor afore plan wis goosed Felicity threw th' wifie oot a foremaist story windae 'n' ah caught her then bolted towards th' sewer, mah quick thinking hud saved th' day again! Th' rest wis a blur as ah raced towards th' sewer wi' th' wifie ower mah shoulder complaining th' hail time, th' annoying boot. We jumpt intae th' sewers 'n' ah wis tellt we hud tae donder thro' twa miles o' fukcing awfy jobby tae reach th' dropoff point, this wis mah breaking point 'n' ah geezit a fag afore a traivelin anither step.

As our plan had failed, Felicity threw Tara from a first floor window and I caught her then ran to the sewer. My quick thinking had saved the day again. The test was a blur as a ran towards the sewer with Tara over my shoulder complaining all the time. We jumped into the sewers and I was told we had to go through miles of sewers to get to the dropoff point. This was my breaking point and I had to stop for a cigarette before taking another step.

Maggot teuk point, nae that ah cared 'n' he signalled back efter we hud slogged thro' th' jobby fur awhile that someone wis headed oor wey sae ah jumpt intae even mair jobby fur cover, howfur clever is that? A gigantic motherfucker appeared alang wi' seven Carrion mutants. He wis cried "Old Herb" 'n' enjoyed eating fowk particularly bairns loads o' wham he wis carrying in a poke ower his misshapen back, whit a monster! Ah generously shored tae trade Maggot fur th' kids bit he mist hae bin a connoisseur 'n' knew whit jobby tasted lik'. He then teuk a fancy tae oor wifie bit we declined as we wouldn't git paid if she wis eaten though it wid hae shut her up!

Maggot took point, not that I cared, and after we had slodded through the sever for a while he signalled back that someone was heading our way, so I took cover. A huge creature appeared along with seven carion mutants. He was called "Old Herb" and enjoyed eating people, especially children, loads of whoom he was carrying in a bag on his back. What a monster. I offered to trade Maggot for the children but I was turned down, probably because he did not think Maggot would taste nice. He took a fancy to Tara but we declined as we would not get paid if she was eaten, though it would shut her up.

Th' bairns he wis aff tae sloch pleaded wi' us tae save thaim 'n' ah wis th' ainlie yin that seemed concerned, ah jalouse th' rest o' Dzone ur a bunch o' pure heartless motherfuckers. Ah considered mah options bit wi'oot weapons a'd hae hud mah bahookie handed tae me sae ah reluctantly let him gang. Th' rest o' th' trip wis uneventful 'n' we climbed up a manhole intae th' fresh nicht air. Nae far wey wis th' dropoff point - a rundown warehouse whaur Maggot wid na doubt cop at hame.

The children he was going to eat pleaded with us to save them and I was the only one that seemed concerned. I guess the rest of Dead Zone are heartless. I considered my options but without weapons I would lose any fight badly so I reluctantly let him go. The rest of the trip was uneventful and we climbed up a manhole into the fresh night air. Not far away was the drop off point - a run down warehouse where Maggot would no doubt be at home.

Ah wis knackered efter th' trip 'n' huvin tae carry th' wifie sae ah pulled up a crate, lit a fag 'n' waited fur oor contacts tae collect th' wifie. A' body else hid lik' girls except maggot wha climbed onto th' roof, at least ah wouldn't hae tae keek at his sorry coupon. O' coorse th' sorry haun o' fate dealt us anither jobby deck as seven fowk approched th' warehouse afore throwing in gas grenades ower than facing us lik' real men. Ah grabbed a guid length o' metal piping fae th' ground 'n' gaed aboot teaching thaim th' errors o' thair ways!

I was exhausted after the trip having had to carry Tara, so I pulled up a crate, lit a cigarette, and waited for our contacts to collect her. Everyone else hid except Maggot who climbed onto the roof. At lewast I would not have to look at his sorry face. Of course the hand of fate delt us another bad hand as seven folk approached the warehouse before throwing in gas grenades rather than facing us like real men. I grabbed a length of metal piping from the ground and got about teaching them the error of their ways.

Catch up wi' me neist time ye sorry motherfuckers!