djmorton - SLA Industries

Christ, Pairt Twelve, a've bin a stowed laddie!

Someone tellt me that th' Downtown Residents Welfare Action League (fucked up thair name in mah lest jounral - opps!) met up at Sal's Supermarts Superfoods fur a general green aboot thier sorry bides 'n' tis whaur th' Shivers disappeared sae we decided tae investigate. Ah teuk some Beat 'n' decided tae impress th' speirins crew oan th' hurl ower 'n', o' coorse, ah succeeded admirably. Deathreaper III is turning oot gey nicely. Felicity tried her usual lame-assed trick o' trying tae run me ower bit ah rode rings aroond her sorry attempts at driving.

Someone told me that the DRWAL (Downtown Residents Welfare Action League) - (I got the name wrong in my last journal - oops!) met up at Sal's Supermarts Superfoods for a general moan about their sorry lives and this is where the Shivers dissapeared, so we wanted to investigate. I took some Beat and decided to impress the News Crew on the way over and, of course, I succeeded admirably. Deathreaper III is turning out very nicely. Felicity tried her usual trick of trying to run me over but I rode rings round her poor attempts at driving.

It wasn't lang afore we arrived ootdoors th' supermart tae fin' it derelict. Felicity 'n' Uralie baith spotted some tracks whilk cuid hae bin made by a shiver APC (Armoured Personnel Carrier fur they dim wits amongst you) sae we gaed ben tae hae a gander.

It was not long until we arrived outside the supermart to find it derelict. Felicity and Uralie both spotted some tracks which could have been made by a Shiver APC (Armoured Personnel Carrier for them dim wits amongst you) so we went there to take a look.

Unfortunately th' steid wis deserted sae ah wouldn't git tae hae a rammy, sae ah sparked up a Cop Guid 'n' let th' rest o' he squad dae th' donkey wirk. A brunt oot APC wis parked ben alang wi' four naked Shiver corpses riddles wi' bullet holes. Uralie inspected th' motor 'n' wis certain that th' computers hud bin tampered wi', mibbie fur thair security codes. Sae th' Shivers hud bin lured 'ere 'n' massacred, serves thaim richt fur bein' pumpin' boggin' if ye ask me! We radioed in that we'd fun th' Shivers 'n' despite completing th' BPN Sergeant Openheimer gave us some bullshit aboot finding oot wha hud murdurred thaim 'n' how come, as if a'body gives a bugger, bit we grudgingly 'greed in order tae git oor dosh.

Unfortunately the place was deserted so we would not get into a fight, so I lit a feel good and let the rest of the squad to do the donkey work. A burnt out APC was parked along with four naked Shiver corpses riddled with bullet holes. Uralie inspected the APC and was certain that the computers had been tampered with, maybe for their security codes. So the Shivers had been lured here and massacred. Serves them right for being so useless if you ask me! We radioed in that we had found the Shivers and despite completing the BPD, Sergeant Openheimer demanded we find out who had murdered them and why, as if anyone cares, but we grudgingly agreed on order to get our money.

Juist whin ah thought this mission coudnae git ony worse we embarked oan an epic arse-numbingly boring investigation o' some o' th' DTRWL so-called gaffers. Thay wur a' a bunch o' dim-witted, sorry-arsed whiney motherfuckers wha deserved hee haw better than tae be hanged by thair baws nae that ony o' thaim hud ony!

Just when I thought this mission could not get any worse we embarked on an epic boring investigation of some of the DTRWL members. They were a bunch of *** expletives *** who deserved nothing better than to be hanged by their balls, not that any of them had any!

Th' ainlie avenue o' investigtion left tae us wis th' polis informer: Huey MacKenzie sae we drove tae his apartment block. Th' ainlie thing useful leid cam fae his insane landlord wha hud a severe trial o' Ailurophobia (Keek it up fuckwads!), 'n' enjoyed hee haw mair than torturing th' brassic creatures fur his ainlie peely-wally buzz. Noo dinnae git we wrong torture is a noble pursuit 'n' comes in gey haun while missions bit tae murdurr some helpless animal is wrong. Anyway this peely-wally bugger turned oot tae be a muckle fan o' Deadzone 'n' gaed oan 'n' oan aboot howfur stoatin we wur, bit ah soon pat him straecht efter telling him that he wis a low-life scumbag, he wasn't tae keen oan us efter that!

The only avenue of investigation left to us was the police informer, Huey MakKenzie, so we drove to his apartment block. The only useful lead came from his insane landlord who had a severe fear of cats. (*** expletives ***), and enjoyed nothing more than torturing the poor creatures for his own sick enjoyment. Now don't get me wrong, torture is a noble persuit and comes in very handy on missions but to kill some helpless animal is wrong. Anyway this sick individual turned out to be a big fan of Dead Zone and went on and on about how great we were, but I soon put him straight after telling him that he was a low life scumbag. He was not keen on us after that!

He tellt us that Huey MacKenzie, th' polis informer hud left his rat-infested apartment recently 'n' th' land laird hud cried him a taxi. Th' company he'd used wis "Blue Line Taxis" sae we trotted ower tae see whaur they'd taken him. Thay tellt us he'd gaen aff tae th' spaceport 'n' seeing as thare wis a twa day hauld yer horses tae clear security we'd aye hae a guid chance o' apprehending him thare. Ah gunned mah bike 'n' crashed intae some eejit civilian wha thought 'twas a guid idea tae run a rid light, sae ah picked masell up aff th' tarmac 'n' gave him a guid slapping. Whin mah colleagues turned up thay tried tae convince me that th' light hud bin green, bit ah wis adamant, though ah hud bin hitting th' gear bonny solid recently.

He told us that Huey MacKenzie, the police informer had left his rat infested appartment recently and the landlord had called him a taxi. The company used was Blue Line Taxis, so we went over to see where they had taken him. They told us he had gone off to the spaceport and seeing as there was a two day delay to clear security we had a good chance of apprehending him there. I sped my bike and crashed into some idiot civilian who thought it was a good idea to run a red light, so I picked myself up off the tarmac and gave him a good slapping. When my colleagues turned up they tried to convince me the light had been green, but I was adamant, though I had taken many drugs recently.

Th' spaceport wis muckle, bricht 'n' shiny, muckle nicer than th' squalor we'd bin used tae o' late. Ah parked mah bike ootdoors 'n' we traivelt in 'n' headed fur th' security affice. Huey hud bin spotted ben th' departure sittin room sae we disguied ourselves as janitors, surroondit him 'n' teuk him alive, muckle tae mah disappointment. Th' gallus motherfuker tellt me tae pick a windae, yer leavin' sae ah punched him in th' coupon 'n' broke his jaw whilk serves him richt!

The spaceport was big, bright and shiny, much nicer than the squalor we had been used to of late. I parked my bike outside and we went in and headed for the security office. Huey had been spotted inside the departure lounge so we disguised ourselves as janitors, surrounded him and took him alive, much to my dissapointment. The cheeky *** expletive *** told me to piss off, so I punched him in the face and broke his jaw which serves him right!

We teuk him intae custody 'n' ah gaed aboot rearranging his features tae git him tae spill th' beans aboot th' shivers 'n' wha he worked fur. Ah mist hae goosed maist o' his fingers 'n' aye he didnae crack, tough motherfucker ah will gie him that 'n' a' th' while he kept goading me 'n' 'twas a' ah cuid dae tae nae choap his boost. Eventually ah decided tae let cooler heids prevail 'n' left th' room sae Uralie cuid sweet blether him. Wance ah wis oot o' th' room he squelled lik' a stuck pig 'n' tellt us that he'd bin given 5000cr by Mirk Nicht tae lure th' Shivers tae th' supermart, he claimed he didnae ken how come bit th' sorry sack o' jobby wid likelie say anythin' tae save his worthless neck. Ony wey 'twas ah kent that awreedy by noo that Mirk Nicht wur planning tae skelp th' Shiver HQ wi' th' security codes they'd appropriated fae th' APC.

We took him into custody and I went about rearanging his features to get him to talk about the Shivers and who he worked for. I must have broken most of his fingers and still he did not crack, he was very tough, I will give him that, and all the while he kept goading me and it was all I could do to not chop his head off. Eventually I decided to let cooler heads prevail and left the room so Uralie could sweet talk him. Once I was out of the room he squeeled like a stuck pig and told us he had been given 5000cr by DarkNight to lure the Shivers to the supermart. He claimed he did not know why but he would likely say anything to save his worthless kneck. Anyway I already knew that DarkKnight were planning to hit the Shiver HQ with the security codes they had appropriated from the APC.

We let openheimer ken 'n' soon enough he fun a lone van in th' parkiling lot packed stowed oot o' explosives, thay wur sae happy ah thought thay wur aff tae gie ilk 'n' ilka yin o' us a gobble. Boggin' cunts! ah coudnae be bothered tae gang back tae th' HQ fur th' post-mission hand-jobs sae ah headed ower tae SLA tae prepare fur mah bridle tae Deliah. Och happy days!

We let Openheimer know, and soon enough he found a lone van in the parking lot packed out with explosives. They were so happy and thought they would have to perform sexual favours for each and every one of us. I could not be bothered to go back to HW for the debriefing so I headed over to SLA to prepare for my wedding to Deliah. Happy days!

Ah aff tae th' chapel 'n' a'm aff tae git merrit!

I am off to the chapel and I am off to get married.