“'n' noo, th' end is near”
“ 'n' sae ah coupon th' final curtain”
“ye fud, ah'ament a bufty”
“ah will state mah trial o' whilk a'm certain”
“A've leed a lee that's stowed oot”
“'n' ilk 'n' ilka highway”
“'n' yit, muckle mair than this”
“ah did it mah wey”
“Regrets, a've hud a few”
“bit then again tae few tae mention”
“bit howk, whit ah hae tae dae”
“ah will see it thro' wi' na devotion”
“O' that, tak' care 'n' juist”
“be canny alang th' highway”
“ 'n' mair, muckle mair than this”
“ah did it mah wey”
“Thare wur times”
“a'm sure ye knew”
“whin thare wis bit”
“bit pumpin' else tae dae bit thro' it a'”
“Whin thare wis doubt”
“ah shot it up (loads o' drugs!) or kicked it oot (shame it wasn't Maggot!)”
“ah faced th' dyke (and thro' it oan mah bike!), 'n' th' dyke”
“'n' did it mah wey”
“Fur whit's a besom”
“whit haes he git”
“whin he finds oot that he cannae”
“say th' hings, he truly thinks”
“bit ainlie th' wurds”
“nae whit he feels”
“th' record shows”
“fur a've git na claes 'n' did it MAH WEY!”
A bawherr musical interlude fur ye a' thare, I know ah'ament Entrophy bit tis th' best ah cuid dae. How come this song ye ask? fur this kin gey weel be mah lest journal entry sae pelase dinnae greet 'n' read oan...
A bit of a musical interlude for you there. I know I am not Entrophy but this is the best I can do. How come this song you ask? For this may well be ny last journal entry so please do not cry, and read on...
Ah jalouse a'd come tae th' end o' th' line wi' mah squad 'n' this lastest BPN wis th' snapping point. Whit wi' mah demotion 'n' th' constant bickering ah decided tae gang oot oan a bang 'n' nae a whimper. A' thay did wis blether 'n' blether 'n' thare hud bin na killing fur days! sae ah hud reached th' end o' th' line 'n' teuk matters intae mah ain hauns wi' hiliarous ootcomes as ye wull soon read aboot.
I guess I had come to the end of the line with my squad and this latest BPN was the snapping point. What with my demotion and the constant bickering I decided to go out with a bang and not a whimper. All they did is talk and talk and there had been no killing for days! So I had reached the end of the line and took matters into my own hands with hilarious outcomes you will soon read about.
Continuing oan fae mah lest journal entry we decided tae elicit th' hulp o' anither gang in th' "Biokicks" campaign 'n' a local shiver unit informed us o' "the Wanderers" led by "Joey", thay hung oot in "Sol's gam arcade" a few hours take the motor awa', sae aff we gaed. Th' steid wis a shithole 'n' we wur soon surroondit by gangbangers wha ah cuid tell hud na loue o' SLA. Thay wur bikers 'n' wur obviously impressed by mah Calahavy Excelsior sae ah let yin o' thaim tak' her oot fur a birl, muckle mistake as th' numpty rode aff 'n' ah ne'er saw him again, th' gear mist hae fucked wi' mah brain!
Continuing on from my last journal entry we decided to get the help of another gang for the Biokicks campaign and a local Shiver unit informed us of The Wanderers, lead by "Joey". They hung out in Sol's Gaming Arcade, a few hours drive away, so off we went. The place was a dump and we were soon surrounded by gang members who I could tell had no love of SLA. They were bikers and were obviously impressed by my Calahavy Excelsior, so I let one of them take her out for a spin, big mistake as the half-wit rode off and I never saw him again, the drugs mush have addled my brain!
Joey wis stowed playing auld video games whin we approched him aboot oor Biokicks idea. He ainlie seemed interested whin ah shored him a shot o' "Glacier" as an somehin` init fur me 'n' he soon signed up. Ah shuid point oot that Felicity mist hae bin considering a freish joab as a advocate as she gaed oan 'n' oan aboot th' legal points in th' SLA contract, she kin blether th' hind legs aff a carnivorous pig that yin, juist shut th' bugger up! Ah wis aye plenty pissed aboot huvin mah bike nicked by yin o' thae deid beats sae ah hung aroond tae see if he wid return. This made th' rest o' th' gang members nervous though none o' thaim hud th' baws tae dae anythin' aboot it. Eventually Yolo turned up tae mak' sure ah didnae bugger up oor agreement wi' th' Wanderers 'n' ah reluctantly left tae catch th' train hame. Ah even picked up a seezin ticket as it wid be a lang while 'til ah cuid afford a freish bike.
Joey was busy playing old video games when we approached him about our Biokicks idea. He only seemed interested when I offered him a shot of Glacier as an incentive and he soon signed up. I should point out that Felicity must have been considering a new job as a lawyer as she went on and on about the legal points in the SLA contract, she can talk the hind legs off a carnivorous pig that one, just shut up! I was still very pissed about having my bike stolen by one of the dead beats so I hung around to see if he would return. This made the rest of the gang members nervous though none of them had the balls to do anything about it. Eventually Yolo turned up to make sure I did not mess up our agreement with The Wanderers and I reluctantly left to catch the train home. I even picked up a season ticket as it would be a long while until I could afford a new bike.
Sae th' morns mornin' o' th' day afore th' Biokicks event we gaed back tae th' messages centre 'n' spoke fur whit seemed lik' hours aboot whit we wur aff tae dae. Felicity droned oan 'n' Yolo tried tae keep up wi' her, meanwhile Duke 'n' yers truly indulged in some milkshakes in an attempt tae alleviate th' bordeom 'n' jalouse whit? it falied! At this point ah finally snapped 'n' teuk matters intae mah ain hauns. That forenicht ah bought a power cutter 'n' some raw, bloody bridie then gaed doon intae th' basement. Ah fun th' entrance tae th' sewers 'n' sliced mah wey thro' th' metal cover 'n' dumped th' bridie near th' entrance. Mah hawp wis that th' reek woudl attract th' local Carrion population wha wid pay a surprise visit th' neist mornin'.
So in the morning of the day before the Biokicks event, we went back to the shopping centre and spoke for what seemed like hours about what we were about to do. Felicity talked and Yolo tried to keep up with her, meanwhile Duke and myself indulged in some milkshakes in an attempt to alleviate the boredom and you know what? It failed! At this point I finally snapped and took matters into my own hands. That evening I bought a power cutter and some raw, bloody meat then went down into the basement. I found the entrance to the sewers and sliced my way through the metal cover then dumped the meat near the entrance. My hope was that the smell would attract the local carion population who would pay a surprise visit the next morning,
Unfortunately th' Carrion decided nae tae be punctual 'n' entirt th' centre that forenicht whilst ah wis asleep, ye think th' fuckers cuid keep tae a time buird! anyway a'd an' a' underestimated th' sheer numbers that made it thro' 'n' oan mah return visit tae th' centre th' morns mornin' ah discovered a Third Yak speirins crews covering a massacre at th' centre by dozens o' carrions, opps!
Unfortunately the carrion decided not to be punctual and entered the centre that evening while I was asleep, you would think they could keep to the time table! Anyway I had underestimated the sheer numbers that made it through and when I returned to the centre in the morning I discovered a Third Eye News crew covering a massacre at the centre by dozens of carrions, oops!
Ah teuk a keek ben 'n' realised that thare wur far tae mony o' th' fuckers fur me tae handle alone sae ah ca'd in Deadzone tae hulp, a' th' while feigning ignorance as tae howfur this sorry state o' affairs cuid hae happened, did ah see anythin'? na sur, nae me sur! Whin mah squad arrived we formulated th' brillant plan o' running at thaim headlong whilst shooting oor guns 'n' swinging oor swords 'til thay wur a' deid. Ah hud tae haun it tae th' Carrion though, thay kept fightin' 'til we wur knee deep in thair bodies. Eventually however, th' Greater Carrion "leaders" mist hae sussed that thay wur oan a losing streak 'n' retreated back intae th' sewers. We wur victorious! Ah teuk a tally o' mah kills 'n' it rounded oot at ten, nae ill fur a days wirk. Felicity tallied up seven, she murdurred a few mair wi' grenades bit as they're queer's weapons thay dinnae count.
I took a look but I realised that there were far too many of them for me to handle alone so I called in Dead Zone to help, all the while feigning ignorance as to how this sorry state of affairs could have happened, did I see anything? No sir, not me sir! When my squad arrived we formulated a brilliant plan of running at them headlong while shooting our guns and swinging our swords until they were all dead. I had to hand it to the carion though, they kept fighting until we were knee deep in their bodies. Eventually however, the greater carion "leaders" must have realised they were on a losing streak and retreated back into the sewers. We were victorious! I took a tally of my kills and it rounded out at ten, not bad for a days work. Felicity tallied up seven, she killed a few more with grenades but as they are gay weapons they do not count.
Th' crowd whilk hud gathered ootdoors th' centre wur cheering mah name 'n' ah wis hoaching with blood, if ah wis tae pay fur mah crimes then at least ah wis aff hoorin' oan a bang!
The crowd which had gathered outside the centre were chearing my name and I was covered in blood, if I was to pay for my crimes then at least I was going out with a bang!
Sae this kin be th' end, if SLA happened wur recording mah traitorous actions in th' basement then a'm weel 'n' truly fucked. A've heard thay reord aboot 80% o' everything an operative does, sae thir's a slim chaynge ah kin git awa' wi' it whilk wid amuse me na end. Mah ainlie regret is that ah didnae plant th' power saw in felicity's apartment!
So this could be the end, if SLA happened to be recording my traitorous actions in the basement then I am well and truly caught. I have heard they record about 80% of everything an operative does, so there is a slim chance I can get away with it which would amuse me no end. My only regret is that I did not plant the power saw in Felicity's apartment!
Weel tis bin a stoatin hurl ye bell ends, sae juist rememeber yin thing:
Well it has been a great ride you lot, so you just remember one thing:
"It's better tae burn oot than tae fade away!"
"It is better to burn out than to fade away!"