djmorton - SLA Industries

Unlucky fur some: pairt thirteen o' mah journal by th' Kurgen.

Git merrit. Did some ither stuff.

Got married. Dis some other things.

Th' end

The end

Unlucky fur some: pairt thirteen o' mah journal by th' Kurgen Part II

Hah, fooled you!

And ye thought mah lest journal entry wis a' ah hud tae say aboot mah muckle day, weel tyou obviously dinnae na me that weel yit "Dear reader".

And you thought my last journal entry was all I had to say about my wedding day, well you do not know me that well yet dear reader.

Ah rode tae Deliah's apartment oan mah still-fucked bike 'n' bygane th' crowds o' media leeches waiting fur a story. She'd hud th' steid dane up crakin' 'n' bonny wi' hunners o' free gear 'n' ither jobby fur her guests tae indulge themselves. Thare wur hunners o' pure famous fowk thare 'n' in trial ah forgoat efter here's a list o' wha ah cuid mind afore ah git drugged up tae mah eyeballs:

I rode to Deliahs apartment on my still damaged bike and passed the crowds of media leaches waiting for a story. She'd had the place done up good and pretty with lots of free drugs and other stuff for her guests to indulge themselves. There were loads of very famous people there and in case I forget afterwards, here is a list of who I could remember before I got drugged up to my eyeballs:

Lucy Balboa - Gorezone organiser, she asked me tae co-star wi' Deliah in an upcoming episode whaur ah speil th' "about tae git fucked husband" afore she saves me. Shored 1000cr sae ah 'greed, naturally.

Lucy Balboaa - Gorezone organiser. She asked me to co-star with Delilah in an upcoming episode where I play the "about to get killed husband" before she saves me. She offered 1000cr so I agreed, naturally.

Jake Higgins - Calahavey Urbaniser, seemed a'richt bit declined tae endorse sponsorship, something aboot me continually crashing mah bike infront o' th' cameras, especially mah "incident" whaur ah supposedly bolted a richt light. Ony wey he gave me a free cu keyring bit forgot tae pat "The" fernent "Kurgen" sae ah wasn't tae chuffed.

Jake Higgins - Calahavey Urbaniser, seemed all right but declined to offer sponsorship, something about me continually crashing my bike in front of the cameras, especially my "incident" where I supposedly ran a red light. Anyway he gave me a free keyring but forgot to put "The Kurgen" on the front so I was not impressed.

Mìcheal Kayton - Power Projects (armour tae ye neanderthals) wha seemed keen tae sponsor duke as ah mind.

Mìcheal Kayton - Power Projects (armour to you primatives) who seemed as keen to sponsor the Duke as me.

Anton Chorley - Morts tap fashion designer 'n' likelie tis biggest fudge-packer as weel. He dresses lik' a peacock oan acid 'n' spoke lik' a pig taking it up th' bahookie. Ah dingyed him while he strutted his stuff infront o' Duke, obviously efter taking a liking his freish coupon 'n' asked if he wanted tae "model" fur him, aye "model" read "sit in mah face". Queers aw weys!

Anton Chorley - Morts top fashion designer and likely its biggest homosexual as well. He dresses like a peacock on acid and spoke like a pig being buggered. I ignored him while he strutted his stuff in front of the Duke, obviously after taking a liking to his new face, and asked if he wanted to model for him, yes for "model" read "sit on my face". Queers any ways!

Kit Crawley - ans aye, she did mak' mah skin crawl, a so-called "socialite" meaning someone wha is famous fur daein' bugger a' 'n' getting overpaid tae dae it! She wanted tae advise Dead Zone oan howfur we shuid dress. Fur fucks sake crawl back under yer rock Crawley!

Kit Crawley - And yes, she did make my skin crawl, a so called "socialite" meaning someone who is famous for doing nothing and getting overpaid to do it! She wanted to advise Dead Zone on how we should dress. *** Expletives *** crawl back under your rock Crawley!

'n' thay wur aye comin' - a never-ending burn o' sycophantic motherfuckers!

And they were still coming - a never ending stream of sycophantic *** expletive ***!

Paulo - fae Laddie, that's th' guys wha tak' yer dosh 'n' patch ye up ater yer either shot, stabbed, sliced 'n' blown tae bits. Gave us 500cr tae pat intae oor laddie accounts as a bridle the noo sae ah didnae tak' an instant dislike tae him.

Paulo - Good Guys, that is the guys who take your money and patch you up after you are either shot, stabbed, sliced or blown to pieces. He gave us 500cr to put in our LAD accounts as a wedding gift so I did not take an instant dislike to him.

Thare wur plenty o' ithers wha wanted tae sook up tae th' media 'n' Deliah bit mah brain wis drug-addled by this point sae ah cannae mind a'body else, nae that a'd care tae pure.

There were plenty of others who wanted to suck up to the media and Delilah but my brain was drug addled by this point so I can not remember anything else, not that I care at all.

Slime-bucket Tony Fury oozed his wey ower 'n' tellt me that a'd bin a naughty laddie efter mah traffic incident 'n' hud narrowly jooked bein' penalised by SLA. Bugger thay keep gaun oan an oan aboot it, 'twas a GREEN light fur fucks sake! ah listened tae him blather oan fur a few minutes afore mah brain shutdown 'n' he finally git th' idea tae pick a windae, yer leavin'. This worm is oncom tae git oan mah tits!

Slime bucket Tony Fury came over and told me that I had been a naughty boy after my traffic accident and had narrowly avoided being penalised by SLA. They keep going on about it, it was a green light for *** expletive ***! I listened to him talk for a few minutes before my brain shut down and he finally got the idea to piss off. He is starting to annoy me!

Och, at some point ah git merrit. 'twas a clinical loveless affair wi' some wifie asking me a series if inane questions sic as: "Do ye gree tae murdurr yer guidwife if she betrays sla?" 'n' "Do ye loue SLA?" etc... I didnae think ah juist said “Aye” 'til she stopped talking. Ah wis noo a mairried jimmy!

Oh, and at some point I got married. It was a clinical loveless affair with some woman asking me a series of inane questions such as: "Do you agree to kill your good wife if she betrays SLA?" and "Do you love SLA?" etc... I think I just said "Yes" until she stopped talking. I was now a married man!

Uralie wis certainly in demand sexually as some oriental chick wha keeked extremely fuckable asked him tae gie her a taste o' his auld trouser snake in her spasm chasm. Ah shudder tae think howfur Wraith Riders shag, likelie uise tentacles wi' suckers oan, a'd ower bugger felicity's mither, hing oan a minute, ah did!, weel she fucked me pure, clatty auld boot!

Uralie was certainly popular as a very pretty asian girl asked him to sleep with her. I shudder to think how Wraith Raiders fornicate. Likely they use tentacles with suckers on, I would rather sleep with Felicity's mother. Hang on a minute, I did, well she rode me good, dirty old woman!

Ah heard efter that she wasn't a stoatin lay bit if it gets yer rocks aff yer maw cares if she does? Unfortunately she wis th' burd o' "Entropy" a SLA op 'n' musician, noo ah'ament normally intae reels 'n' strathspeys bit this gut coudl wail, reminded me o' th' sound fowk mak' whin ah stick mah sword in thair guts 'n' th' best pairt wis ilk song ainlie lasts 35 seconds. Sae ah made a in yer heid note tae buy some o' his reels 'n' strathspeys 'n' speil it th' neist time a'm racing doon th' streets oan Death Reaper III. Speaking o' whilk ah teuk her ower tae a repair shop efter th' bridle 'n' paid 250cr fur a one-day repair jab, ah cannae be seen oot wi' a crapped-up bike noo kin ah?

A heard later that she was not a great lay but if it is pleasurable who cares how she feels? Unfortunately she was the girlfriend of Entropy, an SLA operative and musician. Now I am not normally in to music but this was not bad, reminded me of the sound people make when I stick my sword in their guts, and the best part is each song only lasts 35 seconds. So I made a mental note to buy some of his music and play it the next time I am racing down the streets on Deathreaper III. Speaking of which I took her over to a repair shop after the wedding and paid 250cr for a one day repair job. I can not be seen out with a beat up bike now can I?

It turns oot that th' oriental chick wanted tae git back at Entropy fur bein' sic a bell-end by huvin revenge throwing a sausage up a close or something, anyway efter oan she teuk a 10 story coup aff th' balony 'n' made herself intae a human pizza oan th' pavement below, 'twas ah kent that awreedy Entrophy hud commiited th' murder 'n' Uralie confronted him ower it. Ah cuid see a rammy aboot tae break oot atween 'n' wis duin tae choap Entropy intae pieces whin thay backed aff.

It turns out the asian girl wanted to get back at Entropy for being such an idiot by having revenge sex or something. Anyway she took a 10 story fall off the balcony and made herself into a human pizza on the pavement below. It was then I knew that Entropy had commited her murder and Uralie confronted him over it. I could see a fight about to break out between them and was ready to chop Entropy into pieces when they backed off.

Efter oan while ah wis aboot tae cut th' bridle cake wi' Deliah th' rest o' Deadzone clocked a cameraman wha seemed mair interested in filming th' bridle presents than th' bridle itself. Thay apprehended him 'n' it turned oot that he’d planted a bomb in yin o' th' presents. Deliah threw th' presents ootdoors 'n' wance she git haud o' th' camera blew th' crap oot o' thaim whilst laughing hysterically. Ah wis oncom tae hae seicont thoughts aboot bein' her guidman!

After a while I as about to cut the wedding cake with Deliah when the rest of Dead Zone spotted a cameraman who seemed more interested in filming the wedding presents than the wedding itself. They apprehended him and it turned out that he had planted a bomb in one of the presents. Deliah threw the presents outside and once she got hold of the camera, blew them to pieces while laughing hysterically. I was beginning to have second thoughts about being her husband!

We partied that nicht awa' 'n' ah efter discovered that mah guidwife hud given mah auld apartment awa' tae Felicity sae she cuid bugger her no-hoper boyfriend fae th' Milkshake hain thare. Ah left earlie tae collect mah steipend fae th' lest BPN 'n' pat mah bike intae shop. Whilst at th' SLA HQ Tony landed us wi' anither "amazing" BPN, 'twas a "don't uise violence 'n' mix wi' upperclass idiots" yin in uptown. Whin wull thay realise mah talents 'n' let me shoogly wi' mah sword? this pat me in a mirk mood as ah hadn't murdurred a'body in days. Th' mission seemed simple enough: report tae a Mr Bhaige wha tellt us tae investigate th' distribution o' 'n' mibeez aye, mibeez naw neutralise th' supply o' a non-SLA drug labelled "Glacier", 'twas th' newest heich taken by th' wealthy elite in uptown. We wur assigned a picture crew 'n' telt tae behave ourselves infront o' thaim.

We partied the night away and afterwards I discovered my wife had given my old apartment away to Felicity so she could be with her boyfriend from the milkshake bar. I left early to collect my earnings for the last BPN and put my bike in the shop. While I was at SLA HQ Tony landed us with another "amazing" BPN. It was a "do not use violence and mix with upper class citizens" one in uptown. When will they realise my talents and let me loose with my sword? This put me in a dark mood as I have not killed anybody in days. The mission seemed simple enough: report to a Mr Bhaige who told us to investigate the distribution and possibly neutralise the supply of a non SLA drug called Glacier. It was the newest high taken by the wealthy elite in uptown. We were assigned a camera crew and told to behave ourselves in front of them.

Th' ainlie leid he hud wis a dancin in uptoen cried "Tech-Noir" sae aff we gaed 'n' soon fun ourselves bein' turned awa' by th' clubs bouncers fur keekin lik' brassic fowk. Urlalie hud an idea tae dress us up lik' homosexuals sae we cuid git in. He teuk us tae some poncy shaps 'n' we spent a fortuin o' claes that provided na protection fae bullets whatsoever. Whit's th' fuicking point o' that?

The only lead he had was a club in uptown called "Tech-Noir" so off we went and soon found ourselves being turned away by the club bouncers for looking like poor people. Uralie had an idea to dress us up like homosexuals so we could get in. He took us to some posh shops and we spent a fortune on clothes that provided no protection from bullets whatsoever. What is the point of that?

Wance we whaur ben Duke fun oot fae th' barman that th' resident Glacier dealer wis cried "Beano" sae we gaed ower fur a bawherr blether. Ah expressed an interest in th' drug 'n' efter trying a dose discovered that 'twas quality gear, far smoother than Flip o' Bass 'n' ainlie 15cr. Sae ah bought a few mair fur th' road.

Once we were inside, Duke found out from the barman that the resident Glacier dealer was called Beano, so we went over for a chat. I expressed an interst in the drug and after trying a dose, discovered it was quality gear, far smoother than Flip and Bass, and only 15cr. So I bought myself a few for the road.

That's bonny muckle it 'til neist time ye massage parlour happy-endings!